I had keep like this until summer 2004. Just with one ´sort of breakdown´. Do not know exactly when this happen, but happen this – Once morning I had visit from friend of mine, and he brought with him around 200 grams of fresh marihuana, and he gave it to me. And so I decided makes milk from it. I had got also some psilocybin mushrooms and hydroponics marihuana. Somewhere around 1-2p.m I had started with one of my friends with milk and smoking. Around 4p.m we ate the mushrooms. Meanwhile, all the time we’ve smoked that hydroponics. Until of the late evening times, when I once went for a pee and after that unconsciously felt on the ground. My friend next day told me what happened; that, after I felt on ground, I had stand up quite quickly, but I did not react, I did not know who I was, where I was, why, with whom, what for, the amnesia-like. He somehow ‘tried’ explained situation to me and then took me home. I had waked up next morning with proper headache as I vomited on my bed.

At summer 2004 the Bar got closed and I was once again unemployed. Fortunately not for long this time, because in September 2004 my brother PM asked me if I want to go work into UK, where he is. And then, on 13th of October 2004 I flew into UK in the village name of Hook, and start work there as a kitchen porter; and stayed there for year and nine months. First five months I was absolutely without any of drugs, because without any knowledge of language in foreign country is a bit hard to ask for such thing. Whole time I did not feel for need to take it. I did not go through some kind of post-drugs effects on my body and brain, not at all. I felt normal all the times. After my first five months in UK, I went home for two weeks on holidays. In these two weeks, I could say, that I had catch up with everything what I had missed in these five months. I had spent over 1800 UK pounds, mostly on drugs. I went so high, that when I came back to UK, I could not remembered quite lots from my holidays. Meanwhile I did progress in language, what makes me easier to live in UK and get a fun. Smoking every day marihuana, hash, time by time did cocaine. I kept like that until I took one of my co-workers with me on holidays to home. He was a young average British guy who liked to smoked and other stuff.

It was on the beginning of March 2006, we arrived on Thursday and on Saturday morning we were in hospital for sort of ‘overdose’. What happened, in Thursday around 6p.m. we had everything what we need it for trip – lots of Methamphetamines, MDMA, hydroponics marihuana. And then we started with my style dosages. Until of Saturday night, when probably my brain said himself enough it’s enough, and give me one of the precious lectures. I’ve got just a blurred short vision about that night. The only think for now, what I sort of remembered, is, that I had split on three personalities. I got fully back on Saturday morning after doctors care. I was in small shock after that for a week, could say, but did not stay in it. I came back to my freaky free life again. Next of my brain breakdowns was in July 2006, when I did few MDMAs in a week and I nearly went insane. It was me and one of my friend, on Monday we brought 20 pills, on Wednesday we brought another 20 pills, meanwhile we was working every days, smoking every days. On Friday night I start feel weirdly already at work. When I went to bed and closed the eyes, after 20 minutes everything started. Some voice came to me and starts talk to me that I am going to die. After short chatting about why, how, etc, firstly I accepted death for about 2-3 minutes, and then suddenly furor-brevis came to me (I called self preservation) and I had run out on street shouting and crying for help; that I am going to die. Could say, luckily for me there was no one, and after few minutes on fresh air I started realized the reality and understand the game. My friend came to me and asked what happened. I explained him, after that vomited, and after that decided going home for a bit longer.

After year and nine months in UK I came home with around 1000 pounds and a bit messed up head. The plans, when I came in to UK first, were quite more different compare to reality. I stayed at home for half a year, mostly on my mother’s account, which went up to, around, 2000 pounds (80% went on good purpose as living and gaining certifications). This half a year I’ve been smoked marihuana every two hours, methamphetamines once-twice a month two days in row, once LSD and that was that’s it. No hard core on the edge with mental disorder near to physical death, nothing likes that. Just an easy floating in technical materialistic disorder alongside with others humans lives. Through that half a year I’ve though time by time a bit about future, and realized that I should a bit safe some money for my own future, next time. At home I had stayed until January 2007, when I decided to move on and do something for my own future.

With some knowledge of language, some money and place where to stayed, it makes my self confidence a bit higher as usually and that’s why I did not hesitated long time. I had everything, experiences, qualifications, certifications, skills, passions; I was in ‘start now’ position. In three weeks I’ve send around 500 applications (emails, post) and take part in about 60 interviews for jobs. Even so of my experiences and certifications in it, I was not successful at all. After two months when I had about 70 pounds on me, I got job ‘in the middle of nowhere village’ name of Burley, as a waiter; and after week they makes me an assistant manager. But I had call ‘cheap boy for everything’, started at 8 a.m. (cleaning restaurant, set up bar, set up buffet table for residents, cook up breakfast for residents, cleaning afterwards, housekeeping, and if is time, supervisory on floor with bartender and waiter duties) till 3p.m then break till 6p.m. and come back to supervise staff, alongside with waiter and bartender duties, till the end, which was around 1-2 a.m.