After my chatting with brother, he shows me some of his books and some of them I took and started read it with no hesitation. I started with Book of life 1 and 2 by Rosi Jiyu-Kennett and Daizui MacPhillamy (1979), About Meditation by Josef Marek (1989), Qi gong by Pavel Kala and Zdenek Kurfurst (1994), Bushido Shoshinshu - The Way Of Samurai by Tiara Sigesuke (1639-1730), The Secret Training of Taoist Monks by Kim Taum. These are just the books from my brother, which I had read in a three weeks of time alongside with others like Astrology, Witchcrafts, World Mysticism, then I got books from the brother one of my friends, like the Questions on Mister Ariona /Frantz Bardon/ by Dieter Ruggeberg /Hg/ and Franz Bardon (around 1950-54), The Science Of Self-Realization by A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada, also about Out Of Body Experience by Sergre Geore and The return Of Gods by Erich Von Daniken, browse through I-Ching books.

After two weeks of being at home and nonstop reading, I had visited that psychic that friend of us. Because I needed to talk to some one with experiences, get some clearer perspective, just a make sure that I am not going insane, and that what I know for now that I know fully consciously and I am aware of this knowledge. And what I know, I could say that I had understood some important points of life. I could said that my inner me been talking to my physical me for a bit longer time without realizing it. And I realize it, that through this talk I got my answers on my ever lasting questions about life and death. There is not just a physical me but also soul with spirit which are equally important then physical me. In a few days I had much clearer point of view on life then ever before. I started understand so much about purposes of human life, elements, macrocosm and microcosms, about animals, plants, flowers, planets etc. I was more then sure within me that what I knew is the questions about the life, I did not know the answers, but I was more then sure that I knew the ways there. Also meantime at home, I went through personal materialistic purgation and I had given up all my cloths all my stuff. I gave up because I got fully understood that real point of human being is not in materialistic possessions. I knew it this before, somehow inside of me, I just was not fully aware of this true.

Because I was reacting through feelings acts from inside of me, 13th of February 2009 I had flown back to UK keep up with my researches. I brought with me also some more books which I’ve bought the day when I’ve flew. The books are Initiation Into Hermetic by Franz Bardon (1955), The Key To The True Kabala by Franz Bardon (1959), Frabato by Franz Bardon (third copy in 1993), The Celtic Tree Calendar by Michael Vescoli (1995), and in the UK I had upgrade my personal library with the books, which I had also read afterwards one by one, The Magus Of Strovolos by Kyriacos C. Markides (1985), Astrology And Kabalah by Z’ev Ben Shimon Halevi (2000 ), Zen In The Art Of Archery by Eugen Herrigel (1953), Dialogues With Scientists And Sages: Search For Unity by Renee Weber (1986), The Complete Guide To World Mysticism by Timothy Freke and Peter Gand (1997), The Spiritual Properties Of Herbs by Gurudas (1988), Shamanism – Archaic Techniques Of Ecstasy by Mircea Eliade (1964), Shamanism by Gordon MacLellan (1999), Hindu Gods And Goddesses by A. G. Mitchell (1992), The Essential Confucius by Thomas Cleary (1992), I had also browsed through of Srimad Bhagavatam part one by A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada (1989), Chinese Reliogions by Julia Ching (1993), Shamanism And Personal Mastery by Gini Graham Scott, PH.D. (1991), The Guinness Encyclopedia Of Signs And Symbols by John Foley (1993), I had also bought myself Guide to Stars And Planets by Sir Patrick Moore, and Guide To Human Body by Dorling Kindersley Limited, for browsing in a free times. And few days ago, I decided to start learn Sanskrit, and I got myself, Sanskrit a complete course for beginners by Michael Coulson (sec. edition 1992. Since last time (23.4.09) I had wrote this letter my personal library got bigger about 23 books as like world religions, philosophy, holy books, and mysticism.

As Krishanmurti believed that Self-realization is possible without belonging to any organization and without any teacher or teaching, and myself could not more agree with him. But, unfortunately not everyone got the same conscious opportunities, and that’s why I feel that Shivapuri Baba’s saying is more decisive: “If you find in yourself sufficient determination to put everything away except the search for Truth then go alone; if not you must find a teacher.” And here I believe that True teacher or True spiritual guide is willingly helpful to teach the True disciple on his True path.

Hobbies and interests
Reading books, History of World Religions and World Mysticism and World Philosophy, Conscious Dialogues with points, Traveling, Astrology, Numerology, Chiromancy, Sanskrit

Personal study
Since six years of age myself been through observing of physical body and personal conscious.
The body which myself got it in this life, went through hard domestic violence until 15th years of age, through “fun” sexual abuses in secondary school until 18th years of age; this opens up lots of hidden thoughts form from past lives. Myself was left to confusingly fight with this observations with no help. – Just do not do anything stupid to innocent person – myself find out way through the drugs. With help of drugs, myself could a bit more straightforwardly observing physical body with personal conscious and “real world” around. All the time, when myself find out something more and more against the personal laws in this “real world”; as inside of head so outside world, myself pushed more and more on run a ways with drugs. – Just do not do anything stupid to innocent person – Surprisingly as more myself tried run a way so more myself understood these against laws of outside “real world”. But unfortunately myself could not clear the head from these wrong thoughts, because does not know how to do it. When was too much, myself made up such confusion and brain fag in the head, which results was three times mental breakdown of physical body. Myself tried, really tried, to run away from these wrong thoughts, but did not succeed. How could it succeed, when did not know the right way to run.