Emotional Inteligence and Friends
We know that do well in the adult world you must work hard-but you must also be pleasure to work hard with. Academic intelligence alone is not going to get you very far. Character matters, too. But until recently most experts studying intelligence believed that it was impossible to measure, and so ignored it.
Now, however, psychologists have identyfied several types of emotional intelligence. One is ´emotional management´, or being in charge your own emotions. This includes the ability to cheer yourself up after a big setback, pull yourself out of depression, or even to stop, relax and go out for a walk when you´ve lost your temper. Although we like to think of anger as a way of getting rid of strong emotions, psychologists have found that expressing anger increases it. If, by contrast, you have a cooling-off period, that´s exactly what happens.
Another kind of emotional intelligence is how good you are at delaying rewards. A remarkable experiment to show the links between this skill and life sucess was carried out by psychologist at Stanford University in California.
The lasts two kind of emotional intelligence involve other people. The first of these ´people skills´ is empathy - the ability to imagine and share another person´s feelings as if they were your own. If you are good at reading your own feelings, then you are likely to be good at reading other people´s.
If you can´t, your chances of success in life are limited. You won´t do well in politics or business if you´re not sensitive to other people´s emotions. You can best appreciate the importance of empathy if you consider the types of people who lack it. These include violent criminals and murderers.
The last type of emotional intelligence builds on self-managment skills as well as empathy. It´s about handling relationships without being taken over by them. People who are highly intelligent emotionally make personal connections easily and are good at taking the heat out of explosive situations.
To many people, their friends are the most important thing in their life. Really good friends share the good times and the bad times, help me when I´ve got problems, never judge my and never turn their backs on me. My best friend may be someone I´ve known all our life, someone I´ve grown up with and been through lots of ups and downs with. There are all sorts of things which can make a new relationship.
It may be enjoying the same activities, having the same outlook or sharing similiar experiences. Most of us have met someone that we have immediately felt relaxed with. But ussually it really does take years to get to know someone well enough to consider them your ´best friend´.
To the majority of us this is someone we trust completely and who understands us better than anyone else. It´s the person you can turn to for impartial advice and a shoulder to cry on when your life lets you down. It isn´t important what time or what day is it, your best friend will drop everything and put you first. No relationship is more important than the one with your best friend.
It will probably be your best friend you go to help. Perhaps your parents are being too heavy-handed: may be you are not happy at school or at work.
All sorts of things can come between friends. One of us may leave the area and I simply lose the touch. But sometimes other relationships can conflict with my friendship and cause powerful emotions.
Even my best friend may get jealous if he or she feel pushed out by my girlfriend or boyfriend. But it is important to make his or her feel valued. It´s unwise to isolate myself if I am in boy/girl relationship. If I do, I may find that one day I break up and I have lost touch with all my old friends.
It´s stimulating to be surrounded by a mix of personalities with their attitudes and behaviour. Usually in a particular group of friends there will be a ringleader, someone the rest look to make decisions. Often there is a bit of comedian, always cracking jokes and entertaining the rest. There might well be some more reserved characters too. They all have something to contribute.